Saturday, September 17, 2011
Blogging From the Heart,,,,,
I loved this post..
One thing I have always loved about reading Stephs blog is her honesty but her beauty in saying it. She is so real and yet so classy. I find this so challenging, as originally this blog was set up for scrapping shares & also for my family interstate/overseas to share our life, but not the deep heart wrenching challenges & lessons I am particuarly learning, not leaving myself vulnerable with the struggles I face with some strangers, people I don't hold close........I have very few people I am totally brutally honest with. I guess I like to keep up the facade of "I have it all together", no I don't have bad days because I rely on an amazing God, so how could I have a bad day.....that as a leader (I used to be on a pastoral team) that I had an obligation to not share......people didn't really need to know you were struggling as they wanted to believe that no-one in that position ever goes through anything hard??!! And aren't I one of those people that everything just goes right for, I haven't had to work hard for anything.....right???.....ha.
So where I am at today:
1. A is away the girls have had the vomits, my house is a mess, school is almost non existent and I am tired. We have watched more tv than I think in a long time......mother guilt I tell ya....
2. I find it challenging (as Steph) said to fall back into step with him when he goes away and comes back. We get into our own routine, watch what we want on tv, our eat toast for dinner, go to bed later, chill out....and yet when he is home it is like our eostrogen world is back in balance. ha.
3. I am far too hard on myself and although I don't have the same expectations of everybody else (I seem to have grace for them) I just never give myself a break!!!
4. I worry about my babies in this world. Homeschooling has eased some of that, but there is such a part of me that wants to hold them close & never let them go. I want to save them from being hurt, hurting and not living a life that God designed for them. I want them to not go through some of the things I have been through. For eg worrying too much what people think of me & taking way too much responsibility for other people.
5. We are back to eating the way we used to, lots of raw and healthy foods but some days when I am tired so easy to fall back into old patterns of quick, easy high carb/starch foods......oh & the chocolate!! LOL.
6. I am killing my butt at the gym, but seriously it is a love/hate relationship. Some days I love it & love how it makes me feel, then other days I think its doing nothing for me & other days it is just plain HARD!!! Exercise is hard, I guess if it wasn't more people would do it??? Not like it was in my 20's where I just LOVED it. Oh how I wish I could look like Jennifer Garner just by saying it!!!!
7. I so wish I could stop comparing myself to other people and just be me. And to not give head space to past relationships that have failed. Dust my feet off and move on.
8. In the last year, I let myself get defeated & sit on my butt watching tv as an escape rather than making myself complete things. So not like me.
I am happy today even with all these struggles. I have a loving husband who seriously adores me, three beautiful girls who are sassy, smart, make me laugh out loud more often than pull out my hair frustration, I have friends who really like me for me (and make me dolls clothes & kick me in the butt when I need it).....what more could a girl need???
Love Me xxxx
Posted by Melanie B at 7:48 PM